The pain of the Cross

When we think of the Cross, we often think of the physical pain that Jesus were suffering. But how often do we stop to imagine what his mental and emotional suffering was like? Recently I experienced a little bit of emotional pain, but just enough to motivate me into the presence of Jesus. As I started speaking to Him, all of that emotion in my heart just started to be released in His presence and I allowed myself to feel the intensity of the pain. Suddenly I started to get a revelation of his own pain at the Cross. I more or less said-prayed-cried the following to Him:

“You went through your own unique kind of suffering. You were betrayed, denied and deserted by those closest to you, by Your disciples that were with You, often day and night for three and a half years. They were with You. Lord Jesus, You are the perfect Son of God and still, Lord… they were afraid and they deserted You, they left you, they betrayed You, they denied You. How that must’ve hurt. How that must’ve hurt You. How lonely You must’ve felt. Not only lonely because You felt as if the Father has left You, but also because Your disciples, all but John, left You. They left You hanging alone. Hanging alone. To go through your suffering alone. And even though, Lord, You were hurt physically beyond our comprehension, how torn apart You must have felt emotionally. How hurt. How deserted. How lonely. Suffering unjustly. You did no wrong. You did nobody any wrong. You came to save them Lord and they deserted You. They left You hanging alone. You came to save them, You came only to do good to them, You came to love them, Lord. You came and You gave everything. You sacrificed everything. Jesus, You laid down Your life, and they left You. 

It is perhaps understandable that the Romans made fun of You and took pleasure in crucifying You, because to them it was only an exciting day at the office where they got to kill a Jew. And it is perhaps even understandable that the religious leaders falsely accused You and handed You over for crucifixion because they saw You as a threat to their self-help religion, where they were comfortably in control. They wanted You out of the way. They wanted to kill You. They didn’t realize that You were their salvation, that You were their Messiah. They refused to believe that. You were a threat to those who were legalistic, self-reliant and self-righteous. You were a threat to those who thought that their human way of doing things would be their salvation. And now I understand why You said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.’ They did not have the spiritual understanding and insight into the way in which You came to be their Messiah. They just couldn’t see it. And You said, ‘Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing, they don’t know, they don’t see it’. You allowed them to kill You because You knew how Your death and resurrection would benefit them and us. Because for those loving God, all things work together for good for those who are the called according to His purpose. 

So You suffered excruciating physical pain because of the religious leaders and the Romans, but I don’t know what was worse, the physical pain, or the emotional pain that You felt when You were betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, and deserted by all the rest, except for John.

And yet Lord Jesus, and yet, You had NO resentment in Your heart towards them! How was that possible?! You felt hurt Lord, but You did not take offense.  You were able, despite all of Your physical and emotional pain, Lord Jesus, You were able to restrain Yourself. You were able to not be angry at them. You were able to not even accuse them. You did not call Peter a liar, Judas a betrayer, and all the rest cowards. You did not say one word to make them feel guilty about what they were doing. Not one word about how much pain You were experiencing and the emotional pain caused by the disciples deserting You like that. While suffering severely, You did not speak one curse word. You did not fight with them because they were afraid or because they had lack of insight, or lack of faith, or because they were cowards, or because of their disloyalty, their loyalty being replaced by fear.  You fought with them about nothing. Lord Jesus how strong You were on that Cross. Perfectly human, experiencing the whole spectrum of emotions, but not sinning once. You prayed not only for the Romans and the Jewish leaders, but also for Your disciples, and how strong You were to be able to say ‘Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.’  Lord Jesus. King of kings. Lord of lords. King of kings. Lord of lords. To share in Your sufferings is to share in Your joys… for the joy set before You Lord, You endured the Cross, You despised the shame. You are worthy Lord Jesus, You are our worthy King. You are our worthy King Lord Jesus. Your example. Hurting, but NO resentment. NO offense. You understood that they didn’t understand. You understood their fear, their lack of faith. They didn’t know what they were doing. 

The pain that You felt was a thousand times more intense than what I have felt, but thank You, for through my hurt, You have taken me into that place where I can feel and get a glimpse of the pain of the Cross, and once again I am absolutely astonished in realizing that Jesus, You did not say a word, not one word of accusation, not one word to make them feel guilty, not one word to explain to them how much pain they’ve caused You. Not one word. All You said was ‘Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing’. You only directed Your pain to the Father and You said Father ‘Why have You forsaken Me?’. You felt even forsaken and left by the Father. Yet, You asked the Father to forgive them. Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. Because of Your mercy, because of Your love, You forgive us.”

After this time of prayer where Jesus took me with Him to the Cross, where I could once again see his example of Godly behavior even while hanging on the Cross, my feelings of hurt and offense had completely dissipated. It was gone. Spending time with Him at the Cross lifted those feelings off of me. And now, from a better perspective, I was astonished to see how small and insignificant my little bit of feeling hurt had become, compared to the Cross of Christ. I was encouraged. I was strengthened. And even thankful that it happened, for without it I would not have had this experience with Jesus, sharing in his pain, so I could also share in that feeling of freedom. Mercy triumphs over judgment.