The purpose of this article is to share the vision I believe
God has given me to start meeting a very real need in the body of Christ.
Many people in church still don’t have the feeling of family
in the spiritual family, the body of Christ. Many only go to church on a Sunday
and maybe once during the week to a cell group or a prayer meeting, but feel isolated
the rest of the week, whether they are single or married. We often don’t really
know the brother or sister that sits next to us in church on a Sunday. We don’t
know about their joys and heartaches, or perhaps unmet practical needs they may
have, because we don’t fellowship with them other than during the two hours at
church on Sunday. Not only do we often not really know our brothers and sisters
in Christ, but we don’t realize that some of them feel really lonely, and those
who don’t feel lonely often don’t know about it. Even people in marriages
sometimes feel really lonely. I firmly believe God wants this to change and He
wants us to become like real family, and not only organised religious
get-togethers. If we bring back the love-feasts, we create more opportunity and
time to become what God desires his children to be – family.
(Please read my article “Let’s bring back the love-feasts”. This
article is in a sense an extension of that article, but with a specific focus
on singles in the body of Christ. It is however not only for singles to read,
but also for married people, to be aware of the need.)
Statistics show that many singles in their thirties and older
leave church because of unmet fellowship needs. This is a reality which I
believe saddens God’s heart so much, because those who leave church, often also
stop growing in their relationship with God, being absorbed again in the ways
of the world and ultimately not fulfilling his plans and purposes for their
lives. And at this age a person already has so much life experience, knowledge
and wisdom that they can share with younger people in church. How unfortunate
that all that gets lost from the church when a single person leaves.
God wants happy singles in his kingdom, and He is helping us
to get to that place. Happy singles first, and who knows perhaps how many happy
marriages later… There are obviously a number of reasons why people are not
married. And not all people who are single necessarily want to be married. Some,
who had been married before, but not anymore, would like to stay single. Others
feel called like the apostle Paul, to ministry as a single person. But all of us
need friends and fellowship, with both genders.
Young people organise themselves in friendships and groups
more easily, but the older we get, from say late twenties and onwards, as our
friends get married and start having children, it becomes harder for single
Christians to make new friends. We have to make more focussed effort.
Family is very important to God and He doesn’t want any of his
children to remain lonely, instead as it is written in Psalm 68:6 “God sets the lonely in families…” God can accomplish
great things in his Kingdom with happy singles. And happy singles will very
likely stay happy, but not stay single…
I believe God is leading me to facilitate a platform where
people can come together to fellowship and make new friends and where many
relationship tools, wisdom and advice can be shared. So I have already started
an initiative locally where I live, namely friendship feasts, where everyone is
invited (married and single), but with the aim that we draw in as many as we
can, especially those whom we know have drifted off and away from healthy
fellowship in the body. I hope to, over time, inspire and encourage and
facilitate the initiative as far and as wide as we can possibly go.
And this is the vision in a nutshell:
·
I will take the lead in organising events
where Christians can get together to spend quality time with each other, to get
to know each other, to form friendships and to fellowship. I will only be the
facilitator and anyone may contribute their ideas for events and locations. We
want to have lots of table fellowship, but we can also just do fun things
together or organise small outreaches.
·
This initiative will initially spread by word
of mouth, but I foresee visiting all the churches in my town to introduce it to
the leaderships of the churches. The idea is that we organise an event once a
month on a Saturday, and keep it affordable for most people. We will call these
events “Friendship Feasts” and I have created a whatsapp group where I will add
anyone who would like to receive information about these events.
·
In due time I will reveal the full extent of
the vision and plan from God, but it will include a web-based platform where,
amongst other things, we can talk about relevant topics regarding relationships.
While still very single at this very moment in my life, I am
more at peace, and more content and feel more fulfilled than I have ever been
before. And it has nothing to do with my personal circumstances, but everything
to do with the fact that I reached a place in my journey and relationship with
God where I see and experience the fulfilment of his promises to me. But this
could not have happened had I been in isolation and not in fellowship with good
friends around me. God wants us to be happy singles before we are happily married.
If you would like to get a little more insight, please read
further. I have written the following about three years ago and now expanded it
a bit.
1. Singles can learn how to be happy
singles
In our western culture it is often expected of people to be
married by a certain age. And if they don’t, it is often assumed that something
is wrong, and singles themselves start to believe it as well. But the apostle
Paul seems to have placed more value on the single life in the Kingdom than on
the married life. There is therefore no reason why singles should feel
pressured to get married and nothing wrong with being single. The only thing
that is wrong is when singles (including single parents) feel isolated and
lonely in the body of Christ. The belief that we need to be married by a certain
age and then are not, can rob a person of their joy, increase their sense of loneliness
and even be the cause of depression. Their
attention is diverted away from what God wants to accomplish in and through them
during the single season of their lives, and focussed on a perceived problem which
need not be a problem. Precious emotional energy and time may be wasted in this
way. All of this is so unnecessary if we educate singles as well as the rest of
the body of Christ to value and to encourage singles to be all that God has
called them to be during this season of their lives. Singles need to be treasured
and encouraged by the rest of the body, giving them more reason to rejoice
always, regardless of how long the season is.
First things first, which is that singles must embrace the command
of Jesus to seek the Kingdom first, because then everything we need will be
added to us (Matt 6:33). Since I became born again almost 22 years ago, by the grace
of God I have never left the body of Christ or turned my back on God. I have
sought the Kingdom and pursued relationship with God always. I have lived a
full single life until now. Those who know me will know the details. I have an
adventurous soul and I have done much and travelled quite a bit. I have sought
to fulfil the plans and purposes He had and still have for my life, and because
of Him, I have accomplished much (and I believe there is much more to come).
But if I had a mentor early on in my life that could encourage me to embrace
the single life with joy and helped me to get a good perspective on the value
of being single, it would’ve been much better. If someone who had lived a full
single life and still got married in her 30’s or 40’s were there to encourage
me, I may have done even more in the Kingdom and enjoyed life more. Older,
wiser people need to help younger people to have the right perspective on their
single status. Single Christians must be taught how to be happy and seeking the
Kingdom while their friends get married and start having babies.
2. Singles in church desire the feeling of
family
Apparently in Jewish culture singles are effectively included
in the community and singles introduced to one another. Even when they do not
get married, their friendship circles just get bigger and they never need to be
alone on for e.g. a Friday evening. Unfortunately this is not the case in our modern
western culture. But it is actually very easy to help relieve the loneliness
that singles often feel, especially those who also live alone in a house or apartment.
Married couples with children, i.e. families are often so busy with their own
family lives that they don’t notice that other people in church feel lonely. I
encourage families to declare Saturdays or Sundays family days, not only for
biological family, but for spiritual family. I realize that sometimes a family
just needs to spend time alone, and they should. But as soon as they start
inviting friends over, they ought to make sure they throw some singles in the
mix. I encourage families to, when they arrange get-togethers with their
friends, to not only invite other families and married couples, but to make a
point of inviting singles as well. There should not be a single person in
church who does not spend time with a family in church at least once a week. Singles
also want to be invited to a weekend away, or to a braai or a holiday. They
will pay for themselves and they will play with the kids (well, they should). We
don’t even mind to be the only single between married couples, because we still
have a lot to talk about as children of God. It is way better than to sit home
alone. And sometimes a single lady just needs a strong arm to throw out a
rotten dishwasher or drill a hole in the wall, but they feel awkward to ask. And
singles can lend a helping hand to a family (in exchange for only enjoying the
feeling of family), but families need to draw them in. Singles need family, but
families often don’t realize how much value a single friend can add to their
lives.
3. Singles need to be taught about courtship
and dating.
(Obviously not applicable to those who have no interest in
getting married)
We live in a very individualistic society where young people
don’t get the advice and protection from their parents as in the Jewish
culture. Parents are often too busy taking care of their children’s
materialistic needs and often times the spiritual and emotional needs are
neglected. Children are raised in Hollywood’s church. All that most young
singles have to work with is human instinct, peer pressure, imagination and
Hollywood. This is very unhealthy.
Many churches have marriage preparation courses, but there are
hardly courses or seminars on how to be a content single or on courtship and
dating. Only once ever did I see an advertisement in church for a seminar
titled “single and satisfied”. And this was a few weeks ago. Courses should not
be available only to people who are engaged and married. There is a whole lot
that need to happen before a couple gets engaged. And a “relationship week”
once a year for singles is not enough.
A few years back I attended an event for singles older than 28
which was organised by a church. There were 100 – 150 singles above 28 years of
age in attendance. They had a panel existing of married couples who were
available to answer any questions that singles asked them. These type of events
need to be organised in every church community.
I believe that the body of Christ by enlarge is poorly
equipped to take care of its singles. If we spend more time on singles, the
church will have fewer problems with broken or hurting marriages.
4. Men and women who receive prophecies
about their marriage partners
This is something that happens quite often in church, and if
handled incorrectly, it can cause a lot of confusion and pain. People need to
be taught and coached on how to treat such a word of prophecy.
From the very beginning of my life as a born-again believer I
received prophetic words about marriage and along the way also about children,
so I was in a sense set-up to wait for the fulfilment of those words, and I
prayed many prayers with this in focus. Hindsight is 20/20 vision, and only
much later did I realise that I could’ve spent the waiting years much more
productively. I would’ve waited less and lived even more. So, I believe that a
lot of effort must be made to coach Christians in handling prophetic words
about marriage with wisdom and to coach young people through the single season
of their lives.
No comments:
Post a Comment